Love for the ladies: Chapter 3, Oh baby!

After hanging out here and begging, the club let me be their resident DJ. Finally! I can get to being a superstar and get some ladies. It’s been months since I last saw Amy Wong. She got sober and told me to never speak to her again. Whatever.. I can get a much hotter girl than her. It’s cool.. I’m not sweating it.

 

I notice a nice looking lady as I was spinning some tracks. She looks good but her sense of fashion sucks! What’s with all these poorly dressed ladies in Starlight Shores. I couldn’t help be notice that guy was doing a intense pee dance to my set. I guess my music is great!

“Everyone! Do a intense pee dance like that guy!”

 

I took a break so I could get to know this lady but when I got close to her, I notice she’s kinda old looking. I’m not drunk enough to fuck her so I took off.

“Hi there. I would like to get to know you. I like all of the music that you been playing tonight. What’s your name?”

“My name is I-don’t-fuck-hags-like-you.”

“Ugh you asshole! How rude!”

 

The bartender decided to give me a bunch of free drinks but later said that hag bought all these drinks for me.

“I’m not drinking those. That hag thinks I’ll fuck her if I’m drunk. She’s wrong.”

“Look you’re drinking these! I didn’t make them for you to waste them.. Besides she paid for them.”

“That hag is trying to molest me. No!”

“Drink em!”

“No!”

“Do it!”

“Shit man! No means no! Quit trying to drink rape me!”

 

I get home and 10 minutes later there’s a angry knock at my door. I opened it and it was Manga. I haven’t seen her since I Tigo her eggo.

“You fuckin’ asshole! You ruined my life!”

 

“What are you talking about? You come to my house at 5 am calling me a asshole. I haven’t seen you in months!”

 

 

“Look what you did to me!”

 

 

“You let yourself go. You’re so fat. You could be a sumo wrestler now. So how you getting fat is my fault? I didn’t force you to eat 500 pounds of powder donuts!”

 

 

“I’m not fat you fuckin’ idiot! I’M PREGNANT by YOU!”

 

 

“That’s… that’s impossible. I only fucked you once. ONCE. I can’t get you pregnant, I didn’t give my sperms a GPS to your egg.”

 

“What?! You idiot! Ugh! Why did I even sleep with you! It only takes one time, Borage!”

 

“I’m sexy and you can’t help yourself. All the ladies want a piece of this. Are you sure it’s mines? You could of been ho-ing around after me.”

 

 

“Yes, it’s not my husband’s, it’s yours! He kicked me out and so I’m staying with you since it’s your fault!”

 

 

After learning Cherry Blossom is knocked up by me I sent a email to my dad.

Dad, Remember that Asian girl? Well I got her pregnant and her husband kicked her out and she’s staying here. I know nothing bout birthing no babies. How did my sperms find her egg? I blame you. You gave me smart sperm! – Borage

 

 

Having Hello Kitty staying with me was a drag. I thought it would be cool, I thought we would have hot wild sex again. She wouldn’t let me touch her and all she does is yell at me of how I ruined her life. It’s not my fault that she decided to be a ho bag for one night. She said who ever won, got to take her home. When she’s not yelling at me, she’s talks a lot.. A lot about boring stuff.

 

“Hey! Are you listening to anything that I’m talking about?”

 

“Yes…..”

 

 

She tried to get me to bond with the unborn creature growing her in belly. Damn she’s fat!

“That baby is noisy in there. I think it wants out. You’re better off in there than out here with this crazy lady.”

“Hey!”

“Just saying.”

 

 

One day while I was working on my nice body, Tamagotchi came up to me.

“Borage! I have something to tell you!”

 

“Holy shit! My water just broke!”

 

“Huh? You water broke? I didn’t know that water can break. You want me to buy you a new one? Where do I buy one from? EBay?

 

“You are truly a idiot! I’m in labor! The baby is coming!”

 

 

“You don’t look like you’re working.. Oh wait! WHAT? It’s coming?! It’s time! FUCKIN’ SHIT! WHAT DO I DO! I KNOW NOTHING BOUT BIRTHIN’ NO BABIES! WE NEED OIL, WATER, A FLASHLIGHT, WALKIE TALKIES, SALAD TONGS AND CORNMEAL!”

 

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! JUST TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL!”

 

 

After Teriyaki yelled at me how she wants me to burn in hell during child birth, my first child busted out of her cooch like a cork on a champagne bottle. We named our son Bruce-Lee Montigo-Gelman.

 

*******

Meet the first born of Gen 3 of the Montigo family, Little Bruce-Lee!

 

 

 

Love For The Ladies: Chapter 1, Swag On

 

 

Hey you sexy ladies. I’m glad to see you came again. I am just that good.. You know! Yes, I just opened with a perverted joke so don’t be a prude. Put out or get out.

I decided to send an email to my deadbeat sperm donor dad. If he wasn’t so busy ho-ing around in Twinbrook, I would become a doctor but instead I want to be a male-whore like daddy. That’s right! I got daddy issues and I’m easy like cherry pie. “Dad, stop dicking chicks and come see my new place.” I sent to my dad along with plane tickets. I made him fly coach since he’s a douche. A strawberry scented douche at that.

 

 

 

 

A week later my dad shows up and unhappy about flying coach but I didn’t care. You left me with idiots!

“Son, that flight sucked.”

“Oh poor baby, suck a clit!”

“Gladly.”

 

 

 

“Anyways dad, I invited you here so you could check out my sweet place and spend time with me. Also I want you to teach me your pimp ways.”

 

 

 

 

“Borage, I think you’re confused. I can assure you that I’m not a pimp. Where did you get that idea from? What have Zinnia been telling you?”

 

 

 

“I google you. You’re like the super PIMP in TB. You got sexy ladies coming and going out your house at all hours of the night. If that doesn’t say PIMP then I don’t know what! You gotta teach me to be a super pimp like you dad. I wanna fuck 1000 ladies while I become a superstar DJ. I can hear all of the ladies screaming, We love BMG! Give us lots of raunchy sex! I can hear it now! Train me to be a pimp! I also want them to bring me money, I’m send them on the corner.”

 

 

 

“I do have ladies come over and stay with me for sometime. They give me children. I am not a pimp by any means.”

“Your hos give you babies instead of money? You’re a horrible pimp.”

“Son, I’m not a pimp. You’re not listening to me. I’m on a quest to have 100 babies.”

“Why the fuck you want 100 spawns of satan?”

“For immortality.”

“Huh? Why don’t you let a vampire suck you off then you’ll be an immortal. I think it would be cool to immortal too. I wanna be Sub Zero or maybe Scorpion. GET OVER HERE!”

“Huh? Son, you’re thinking about Mortal Kombat. But anyways I said immortality. And you don’t turn into vampire by having one giving you oral.”

“Really? So I can let a vampire give me head and I won’t turn into a vampire?”

“Yes, Borage. That’s not how it works.”

“Cool! So like I can make some vamp chick suck me off and I stay a human genie type thingy. Awesome! Let’s go find a vampy real quick!”

“I thought I was here to spend time with you. I’m here to help you get laid?”

“No, no. I got no prob getting the poontang.”

 

 

After our awkward chat about him not being the pimp that I thought I gave him the grand tour of my place. Then he got all fatherly and shit.

“Borage, I’m concern about you saying you want to lay 1000 ladies. What if a few of the ladies get pregnant or you catch a STD? Taking care of kids is a huge responsibility. I just hope you know what you’re getting yourself into. Please use condoms if you plan to really do this.”

 

 

 

“Silly dad, were sims. We don’t get STDs unless we download Awesomemod and since they suck at updating, we are STD free. Besides unlike you I plan to pull out and jizz in her hair. Condoms are for nerds. You know that saying, No glove, Get lots of love.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s No glove, No love.”

“Shut up dad! You’re wrong!”

 

 

 I decided to show off my DJ skills to my pops. I’m curious if my skills will impress the ladies. I plan to play the most degrading music that will make all of the ladies twerk it and jerk it on the dance.

Just shake that ass bitch and let me see whatcha got
Just shake that ass bitch and let me see whatcha got
Just shake that ass bitch and let me see whatcha got
Just shake that ass bitch and let me see whatcha got

 

 

I guess my dad liked my DJ skills cause I saw that he was in touch with his white roots. Dancing badly. Actually I’m not sure what my dad is but I know I’m Colombian and Black and we have better rhythm.

 

 

 

 “You’re pretty good at this DJing stuff, son. The music is kinda degrading towards women but they love dancing to degrading music when they are drunk.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Thanks Dad! Wanna give this a try? Let me see what you got, old boner.”

 

 

 

“I don’t know about this. I never tried anything like this before. Do you have any Johnny Cash?”

“No old timey music dad! Ugh you’re so old!”

 

 

 

 

“Hey, hey, hey! Look at me! I’m a DJ now. Yo LG in the house! I’m about to make ya squeak like a mouse. So ladies shake your butts!”

 

 

 

“Ha ha ha, cool dad but hit sync! You’re train wrecking like fuck! You suck at beat matching!”

 

 

 

 

After chillin’ with my pops, we called it a night and I relaxed in my fly room. As I lay in bed I was thinking about all the sexy ladies I’ll be bringing back to this bed. I just can’t wait. I think tomorrow night we should go trolling for booty. It’s time to get this party started.

 

 

 

 

Dad chilled by the pool as he talked on the phone with his kids back home who I will never meet. I probably have 6 billion siblings and will probably get more sister-cousins if he doesn’t leave Rosette alone. I took a dip in the pool and became suddenly hungry. But I can’t after swimming or was it before swimming? Fuck it.. I’m gonna eat after swimming and I hope I don’t die or something. Cause dying sucks.

 

 

I used my super magic powers to summon some firecracker shrimp. My dad was impressed by my food summon powers. I hope the ladies will be impressed by my power to give them many orgasms.

 

 

 

 

“Oh fucking fuck! This fucking shrimp is fucking hot! Fuck, fuck fuck!”

 

 

 

 

I guess it was too hot for my poor pops as he turned into a fire breathing dragon. Now that’s some spicy shit!

“Yo pops! Does that brings back memories of Rosette?”

“What do you mean?”

“When your mouth caught on fire.”

“I’m not understanding you.”

“Ya know.. After you ate Rosette’s vag. Didn’t your mouth caught on fire? Ya know my aunt has that super ho status!”

 

 

 

“Hey now, that’s just rude to talk about your aunt like that. Now where’s the keys to your car?”

 

 

 

 

So my dad took my car to chase down the ice cream truck.

 

 

 

 

What a douche. The shrimp was too spicy for him. Can’t take the heat, then stay out the kitchen and send a woman in there.

 

 

 

 

 

Pops and I jetted to the new club in town called The Edge and we were stalked by a badly dressed woman. I told her to go away cause her horrible fashion will scare off all the fine ladies away from our area. She yelled at me in some weird sim lingo and then made out with some guy. She’s on my No Bone list now.  So I challenge old boner to a pool game.

 

 

 

“Okay old boner, let’s play some pool. The loser have to bone that poorly dressed woman who speaks simlish.”

“Okay, fine let’s do this.”

 

 

 

 

As we played this nice looking Asian join our area.

 

 

 

 

Pops missed his shot as he was too busy checking Ms China’s nice ass. I can’t blame old boner but there’s no way he’s getting this chick. He has his own town to dick up and this lady is mines! “Fall back wrinkle nuts!” I shouted at my Pops.

 

 

 

 

“Damn girl, can I dip my eggroll in your sushi box?”

 

 

 

 

“What? I’m gonna pretend that I didn’t hear that. My name is Sonoko Lee, can I join your game?”

 

 

 

 

 

I stood there checking out Yoko’s nice curves. I just wanna toss her on the pool table and give her some of this Montigo-Gelman loving. It’s gonna be hard to finish this game with this lovely lady near by. Really hard.. Rock hard. My dick.

 

 

 

 

“Fuck yeah you can join our game Yoko and you can ride my train. And what I mean by my train, I’m talking about my dick. Long like a train. I wanna get in your caboose.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Um.. okay guy that I just met…..  But my name is Sonoko not Yoko.”

 

 

 

 

“Okay, whatever Tokyo… I wanna see you play with some balls.”

 

 

 

 

I watched Tokyo stroked the pool up and down. I’ll tell ya.. I’m jealous of that damn pool stick. That should be my dick that she’s stroking.

 

 

 

“You got some nice stroking moves there. How about after the game you massage my dick? It’s a bit stiff if ya know what I mean.”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t you Asian ladies love giving happy endings?”

“What the fuck?! That’s hella racist you prick!”

“I’m not racist.. I just want your body against mines.”

“You are a douche!”

“I wanna douche your cooch with my penis.”

“You’re so gross! I need a drink!”

 

 

 

So Yoko left but came back an hour later shit faced like fuck. Then she goes…..

“Hey my husband is such an asshole and I’m drunk and horny as hell! so who ever wins this game gets to take me home!”

 

 

 

With that said the erection in my pants was now at his maximum size. I can feel the crotch of my pants about to rip.

“I gotta win this game! Swag mode on! Me love you long time!”