Sims be Cray Cray: Ep 1.

Disclaimer: I am Black. OMG! Calm down. I will not try to steal your car. “Try”.  My sense of humor is very colorful and can be borderline offensive but still funny. I’m pushing it a tab bit but still holding a lot back. There are some some things on here that some may find offensive that could be borderline racist. But if you’re sensitive about racial jokes, hit that X. I don’t wanna hear your bitchin’. You had be warned. If you don’t care, carry on! Keep it juicy!

Alternate Montigo: Matius & Cira

What if Cira would of said yes to Matius when they first met? Cira originally met Matius before meeting Malix. Cira felt Matius was too boring and went for his brother Malix when they were teenagers.



Apparently these dishes needed to be wash when he’s naked. Matius is a nudist LOL

Camp Nudist

When I decided to play my Camp Tigo file last night, they decided that it would be fun to randomly be naked.. All of them. It’s been this way since I gave them a hot tub and Matius made the crazy mood drink that night too. I mainly played Bender that night and then I looked up and everyone was naked.. Then Bender got naked LOL.


Camp Tigo:Ep 3, Love On. Dance Off.

Maria escaped Camp Tigo and taking Lei and Van with her. Oh well.. They have been replaced with Bender Belue from And that’s terrible!,  Adairna Jonso from The Party People: Legacy of Nakaiya Jonso and Malix Montigo Jr. from here of course!


Vods: It wasn’t cool of you to let me die back in my universe!

Malix: What are you talking about? I was never in your universe!

Vods: Yes you were! You knocked me and Panda up and then I died.

Malix: Sounds like me.. Making babies and dying so I don’t have be responsible! I’m a total deadbeat father!

Vods: Well I’m a deadbeat mother thanks to you!

Malix: Sucks for you.

Vods: Ass!



Bender: HEY! I was promised rum and strippers if I came here! All I see is a zombie dresses as a bee keeper! I want rum covered strippers!

Adairna: I came here to pick up my son from this crazy place and he ran off with a girl and a vampire?

Malix Jr.: I’m hungry… Can I eat you?

Adairna: What?! No!

Malix Jr.: Well can I steal your panties?

Adairna: NO! Go away freak!

Malix Jr.: I’m a vampire kleptomania.. I can’t help it… But I will steal them!



Zombie: Malix! Get me preggers! I want your baby!


Zombie: Because my child will be beautiful! Besides you’re just gonna die afterwards!

Malix: I’m not fucking a zombie!

Zombie: Please?

Malix: Stay away from my dick!

Zombie: Please please please! Don’t make me beg!

Malix: Go be dead somewhere else now!



Vods: Hey Miro.. you haven’t had let me die, would you?

Ramiro: No way, boo.. I wouldn’t let a hot alien like you die.

Vods: Then you would picked me?

Ramiro: Sure..

Vods: Really? Then you’re my vampire lover! We are bonded so stay away from Panda.

Ramiro: Okay.. a little possessive but okay.



Malix: Wait a fuckin’ min.. Why do you look like me as a vampire with my old hair in blue clothes? Are you a clone?!

Malix Jr.: No I’m not a clone! I’m your son!

Malix: No you’re not! My son has pink hair!

Malix Jr.: I am too your son! You died before you knew anything of me or my twin sister.

Malix: Look clone, I don’t remember you escaping from my nut sack.

Malix Jr.: For the last time! I AM NOT YOUR CLONE! I’M YOUR SON!

Malix: How? I only knocked up my wife 3 times..

Malix Jr.: Trust me! I am your child!

Malix: Whatever clone!

Malix Jr.: I wish a yeti would eat you right now… Yetis are awesome.



Malix: Yetis are not awesome! Everyone knows that dragons are much better than yetis! You can’t possible be my child!

Malix Jr.: Whatever dad! Yetis are much better than gay dragons!

Malix: Yetis are gay cause all of them are men!

Malix Jr.: There’s girl yetis!

Malix: Who cares! This fight is getting ridiculous!



Bender: Hey asian guy. Where are the rum and strippers that I was promise?

Matius: First of all my name is Matius, not asian guy. Second of all we have rum. Third of all, they lied about the strippers.


Matius: I wish but no.

Bender: I’m getting the fuck out of here!

Matius: Good luck.



Bender: You look like you could possibly be a stripper.

Zinnia: Actually I use to be one until I had a bunch of random kids.

Bender: Really? Why aren’t you stripping then?

Zinnia: I dunno.. No pole?

Bender: I have a pole. *wink*

Zinnia: OMG you gross old man!

Bender: I was sexy back in my day!

Zinnia: That doesn’t matter now!



Malix Jr: Hey Panda.

Panda: Whizzer! Who are you? How do you know me? You look like Malix as a vampire!

Malix Jr.: You know me! I’m from your universe I guess. My appearance explains why there is 2 Malixes running around in the sim forums.. I’m his son.

Panda: That’s bizzaro! I guess this explains why he didn’t know who we were. I thought you were his clone.

Malix Jr.: I AM NOT A CLONE!

Panda: WAIT! If you’re here.. and dad is here… THEN WHO’S WATCHING THE KIDS?

Malix Jr.: Your mom.

Panda: Is that suppose to be a joke?

Malix Jr.: No really.. I left those babies with your drunk mom.

Cira: Am I hearing this right? You’re Malix’s son? I don’t remember having you.

Malix Jr.: Because……

Cira: That cheating bastard!



Cira: WHO IS SHE?!

Malix: What?


Malix: Huh?


Malix: A clone.

Malix Jr.: I AM NOT A CLONE!


Malix: I dunno… It’s not explained in our story yet. Maybe I cheated? Maybe he was born before we got married? How the fuck should I know?! Yell at the writer!

Cira: If I find out that you cheated on me then I’ll cut your dick off cause apparently you use it too much!

Malix: I need that!

Malix Jr: I wanna hold your hands by this plate of rotten salad and a zombie.

Panda: You’re so romantic!

Malix Jr.: So wanna do it?

Panda: You do know Vods is in this story right?

Malix Jr.: Shit. She isn’t going to go randomly die some where is she?

Panda: I hope not!



Malix: Is this awkward.

Panda: How?

Malix: There can only be one.

Malix Jr: If you’re trying to say I’m a clone, I will punch you.

Panda: I think it’s cool we have 2 Malixes now.


Malix Jr: I’M YOUR SON!

Malix: I don’t like this one bit, Clone. With you here..the girls will ignore me.

Malix Jr: Of course dad.. YOU’RE MARRIED!

Malix: I hate this clone….

Malix Jr: I am your SON! Not a clone!

Panda: Whizzer!

Malix: Must you always say that?

Panda: It’s kinda my trademark ya know.

Malix: I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

Malix Jr: Don’t worry.. You won’t.



Malix Jr: Anyways! Time to make out with my girl!

Malix: I hate this clone! He’s gonna ruin my 4 way!



Malix: Are you still the token angry black woman?

Cira: No.

Malix: Then let’s make out!



Liam: It’s that time of the night.. I know Rosette is going to try to rape me again… I can’t seem to get away from that psycho! She’ll ruin my plans to bang all the ladies here.

Rosette: Liam are you ready? Here I come!

Liam: Shit.



Vods: So you’re our Malix?

Malix Jr: Yep.

Vods: You asshole! You let me die!

Malix Jr.: Sorry? You still got to fuck me, right?

Vods: I should be mad at you but some how I’m not.

Malix Jr: It’s cause of my dick.

Liam: I wanna bone that green chick..



Rosette: HEY LIAM! Give me lovings!

Liam: No… just go away.

Rosette: NEVER! You’re my boyfriend! I want lovings!

Liam: I’m not your boyfriend!

Rosette: Then you’re my husband?

Liam: Hell no!

Rosette: I don’t care what you say! YOU’RE MINES! Drop your pants!

Liam: No means no!

Rosette: No means I want it now!

Liam: I’m on mission. I must give my loving to all of the ladies.

Rosette: Liam, let’s not turn this love making into a murder.



Panda: What the whizzer! I thought you were mines cause Vods died!

Malix Jr: She’s not dead here. I told you girls to share me.

Vods: Go away, Panda.. Malix wants me now.

Rosette: I said give me your dick!

Liam: I said no!



Malix Jr: Place this juicy green lips on mines so I can flirt with another lady.

Vods: Wait… what?

Rosette: Either give me some dick or I’ll rip it off!

Liam: You’re freaking me out Rose!



Liam: So you’re Adairna right?

Adairna: Yes.

Liam: Wanna know what makes me so magical?

Adairna: Sure.

Liam: I can make you have multiple orgasms.

Adairna: OMG! Was that your best pick up line?

Liam: Yes. Did it work?

Adairna: NO! That would never work!

Liam: Drink this drink then?



Panda: Holy whizzer… There’s some bizarro hooks up going on suddenly. Why am I thinking about Matius now?

Malix: Mmm.. Dat ass!

Liam: Wow.. Malix’s roofie drink worked!



Malix: I couldn’t help but notice how juicy your ass is.

Panda: Ooh Malix. *blushes*

Malix: I want it.

Cira: MALIX!

Malix: Not now Cira. We are having that 4 way rather you like it or not!

Malix Jr: Dad! That’s my girl!

Malix: Shut up clone! I saw you with Vods. I get her.

Vods: Trash.

Rosette: I’m so sexy!

Bender: Who drank all the rum?



Malix: I’m gonna kiss you now.

Panda: Okay.

Malix Jr: This shit is fucked. She’s mines, Dad!

Vods: Why do I have a feeling that this will turn into a orgy?

Malix Jr.: I hope that’s true.



Ramiro: Hey Cira, I just wanna touch your body.

Cira: Since Malix already kissed that tramp, go ahead.

Malix: If your wife is cheating on you with your cousin and you know it, clap your hands!

Matius: This is so wrong on many levels. How haven’t I hooked up with anyone yet?



Matius: Hey obviously still drunk girl. Ever had asian persuasion?

Adairna: No.

Matius: You want it?

Adairna: Well I am still drunk. Sure.



Matius: Your son wouldn’t hook up with my sister. I’m gonna hook up with you.

Adairna: Uuhjkhk dfhfhkd

Matius: I take that as you’re  okay with this.



Liam: Since you’re not crazy like your sister. Wanna do it?

Zinnia: Let me finish my drink.. but where? Cause Matty and Adairna are about to fuck in the photo booth.

Liam: We can wait.



Ramiro: Let’s get nasty in that haystack that randomly appeared. The photo booth is being used.

Cira: Not my idea of romance. I just wanna get back at Malix. I know he cheated in our story and he’s cheating in this one.




Liam: Shhh! Rosette might hear us!

Rosette: Liam better not be fucking my sister…



Ramiro: Mmm, you like it Cira?

Cira: I have hay in my ass.

Ramiro: Just ignore it. Tell me how does my dick feel?

Cira: No wonder you only hooked up with a heshe!

Ramiro: Shut up about Khai before she shows up! We have one psycho here. Rosette. We don’t need another one!



Malix: You, me, haystack. Now.

Vods: I’m confused..

Malix: No time to explain! Get in the haystack!

Matius: I’m gonna punch this invisible person!



Matius: What do you mean you won’t hook up with me?

Cira: Because I said so.

Matius: We hooked before.. Why not now?

Cira: Shut Matty! The readers didn’t know about that yet!

Vods: Don’t mind me guys.. Just checking out this haystack.



Bender: This is some bullshit. No strippers. No more rum or vodka-

Vods: Yes dad?

Bender: Shut up Vods! No one was talking to you! I’m talking to myself!

Vods: Okay.

Bender: Anyways.. I’m just gonna stand here with my crane and bitch about everything cause I’m a old man and that’s what us old people do. Complain.



Malix Jr: I saw what you did with Vods. She’s mines!

Malix: Oh fuck you vampire clone! I’m getting my 4 way.

Malix Jr: Don’t care. Vods is one of mines! So back off dad! We gave you grand babies that you’ll never meet.

Malix: I’m too sexy to be a grandpa. Anyways.. I challenge you to a dance off. Winner keeps the girls.

Malix Jr: Challenge accepted. Girls vs Guys.

Malix: The point was me vs you but whatever!



So, guys ready to dance?

All: NO!

Too bad!

Bender: I’m too sober for this!

Vods: Where is that voice coming from?

(If there’s kids around, you may want to either wear headphones or mute the video. Vulgar lyrics in the video. I used a sample of my DJing for the music track for the video :D)



Bonus Pic: Malix booty! LOL

Ahh, checking out my humps now? I got something else you can check out..