So much for keeping it cool…
“Daddy? Why are you acting so weird?”
“Um.. Nothing. How was the movies?”
“They were okay but can we do something really fun now?”
“Can we go skating and bowling? Pretty please, daddy?”
“I guess it’s okay.”
We took the kids to Roil N’ Bounce Alley for the rest of the afternoon. They had fun bowling and skating, doing teenage shit. I notice Collette sitting alone by the skating rink watching a few kids attempt to skate. I kinda feel awkward around her after we got freaky in the photo booth. I had no idea that June was a witch and it really pissed me off how she tried to do some witch magic on us. She got me to fuck my cousin’s wife and I don’t think I put on a condom or anything. I wasn’t sure if I should talk to Collette, but she motion me to come over and join her.
“So… Sorry about that. I didn’t know June was a crazy witch. I’m not sure if Ramiro is gonna find this amusing at all.”
“He won’t find it very amusing, especially cause a witch was involved. Those are types of people Ramiro doesn’t care much for. We shouldn’t mention this him at all. Let’s pretend that it never happen. “
“But it’s the right thing to do. It’s not we did this on our free will. He’ll understand that me fucking you wasn’t my fault. I’m not like my dad, I don’t go around fucking other men’s wives unless I don’t know about it. What if I knocked you up? How you gonna explain that it’s a genie? You know I got super sperm.”
“Borage, you been making eyes at me since our wedding. I’m pretty sure Ramiro won’t believe it was all witch magic. You don’t have to worry about babies with me. Ramiro and I are done having kids since Ramon. I’m on the pill, Borage. We shouldn’t tell Ramiro. Let’s keep it between us. Deal?”
“I hope your pill is a match against my super sperm. It’s hard not to look at you and those tits. I am a man, I can’t help it sometimes. I guess if you don’t wanna tell Ramiro then I’ll respect it. But if he figures it out with his vampire powers, I’m pinning that shit on you.”
“All on me huh? I’m not the one with crazy baby mamas.”
“I thought she was a nice girl. I didn’t know about her crazy witch shit. Look at me, can you blame her for being obsessed with me? I got a body of a god and I fuck like a pornstar.”
“You’re so full of yourself. Ha ha ha.”
“You know you enjoyed that fucking I gave you. You’re welcome.”
“Pssh! Shut up Borage.”
“Admit it, you liked it. You only get one turn unless June comes back.”
“I swear if I see that woman again, I’m gonna punch her in the throat.”
“As long as it’s her throat, can’t go harming my baby inside of her. I would love to watch a nice cat fight though.”
“You seem pretty excited about the baby.”
“Not really. Deep inside, I wanna cry. But I can’t, I have a dick.”
I came home with the girls and L2 wasn’t too happy about being left with the twins. Like I wanted to bring those annoying brats with me. They cry too damn much. He said how I need to be parent those these kids since they are mine and blah blah. He’s better with this parenting shit than me. I guess I could give it a try. No nanny and my grown kids don’t like watching them. He handed Solar over to me and said he had a surprise for me then walked off. What was the surprise?
“What is that smell? Is that shit?!”
“Holy shit you stink! Damn girl, what have you been eating?”
“What are you crying about? I’m gonna like die from your shit bomb! Ugh! And I gotta clean you too? You stop your crying!”
I gave Solar a bath after I took her shitty diaper off. I’m switching their formal cause this is some bullshit. I kinda wish I had a nanny to handle this. This age of life isn’t fun. They just cry, eat, sleep and shit all day, all night. I talked to my grandmama about a new nanny and she said I need to learn how to take care of them cause I keep making them. I didn’t ask to have more alien babies! I dunno if I can do this. Why don’t babies come with manuals?
I notice Solar been eying the baby swing behind us. I guess I could put her in it. I use to put Mariah in it when she was a baby and it was fun. Maybe this swing can make me like her.
“Hey brat, do something cute for daddy and maybe I’ll like you.”
“Ooga booga boo!”
“Boo booga oog!”
“You trying to say what daddy is saying? Say, “Daddy is awesome!”
“I can’t hear you. Say it or I won’t love you.”
Solar won’t tell me how awesome I am so I went to look at the other brat and see if he’ll be cooler. He was playing annoying music on his thingy and I needed to teach him how not to suck. What kind of a dad would I be if I allow him to suck at music playing. He might be able to get some ladies when he’s older and I’m here to help.
“Hit the red one then blue, yellow, green, blue then cyan. You won’t so much if you do that. What are you waiting for? Do what daddy say. Now, little brat.”
“C’mon, do it. Do what daddy say or I’m putting you in time out. I’m trying to teach you how to play good music. You’ll thank me later when you got ladies on your dick.”
“Don’t eat it! You disappoint me like your brother L2. You’ll never be the favorite at this rate.”
Alyssa made us dinner tonight. It’s hard to believe she’s old enough to cook meals. I remember the days when she was just a little girl who was afraid of the dark and use to sneak into my room to sleep next to me. Cooking is one thing she can do without L2 breathing down her neck. He’s so hard on her. He tells her to do her homework, do her chores, she’s on the phone too long, she’s on the computer too long, she can’t go over to boys’ houses. She can’t do so much cause he’s too strict. I let her do more when he isn’t home but i think he should ease back some. He say he needs to be hard on her so she won’t end up like her mom. I guess he’s right but she still needs her space and freedom.
“What do you think of the pasta? I made it.”
“With your genie magic?”
“No, I cooked it. I need to learn how to cook so when I live on my own, I won’t starve.”
“But you got genie magic, you can make magic food.”
“I could but I don’t like doing things the easy way.”
“You should! This pasta isn’t so great. If I was a genie, I would make magic brownies everyday.”
“You’ll have endless cavities. You gotta eat real food.”
“But brownies are real food and taste good.”
“Brownies are a dessert, you can’t eat that alone. You gotta eat vegetables too. Good thing you’re not a genie.”
“I wish I was a genie. Everyone would like me and I can grant wishes.”
“You can only grant wishes when you hit a certain age. I can’t grant wishes yet.”
“When can you?”
“When I’m 40.”
“Gee! That’s old!”
“Not when you are a genie.”
It was near bed time and L2 or the other weren’t willing to put my brats to bed. I guess I will have to do this dad shit. I’m not gonna like it but I have no choice. I could let them pass out on the floor.
“I need for you to go to sleep. I gotta do my grown people stuff and I don’t need you crying and ruining it for me. Close your eyes and don’t bug me. Deal?”
“Same goes to you. Sleep or the hamburglar will come and steal you and you’ll have to work for EA.”
“Dad, I’m amazed.”
“You put your kids to bed. I thought I’ll never see the day of you being a dad. You took the girls for a outing and spent time with your own, evening putting them to bed. See dad, you can do this parenting thing. You don’t need us or a nanny.”
“I’m trying but I don’t like it. You do it.”
“No dad! You’re doing good so far. You can do this. I know being a single dad is hard but we can do this.”
“I was kinda hoping I got to do this for one day.”
“Orion and Solar are your responsibilities like Alyssa is mine and Morde has Mariah and Kimora.”
“Morde doesn’t remember he has kids.”
“True but I have my own and apparently Morde’s but I have enough on my plate. You’re doing fine with the twins. You should be glad they are babies. Teenagers are difficult.”
“I need to find their mom.. I’m just not the father type plus I got another one on the way with a crazy witch lady.”
“Dad, you’ll be fine. I believe you in.”
“You were my favorite, but you always disappoint me.”
“I have some paper work that I gotta do. Can you make sure Alyssa and Mariah are ready for bed? I’ll handle Kimora since Morde is no where to be found.”
“I guess I could do that.”
“Thanks dad, you can do this.”
“What are you? A cheer coach?”
“What are you looking at? I told you to go to bed. I gotta do shit. You need some rum before bed? Rum always made me sleepy. I’ll be back with a bottle. I’ll add a little rum in it for you. You’ll sleep like a zombie.”
I went upstairs to check on the girls. Alyssa was reading a book while Mariah sat on her sat. L2 thinks I can do this dad thing but I dunno. I’m trying, I’m really am but it’s no fun. The G-kids seem to be more easier than my kids. I don’t have to do much for them but I do. With my own kids, I have no choice and it’s not fun.
“You girls ready for bed?”
“I am daddy. Can you read me a story?”
“I still haven’t learned to read, muffin. I can look at the pictures and tell you what I think is going on.”
“Okay daddy. Can I pick out a book?”
I told Mariah a story and she soon drifted off to sleep. Mariah always ask for a story and I’m thinking it’s time that I finally learn how to read. I’m pretty such Mariah is gonna have a nightmare tonight.
“Okay pumpkin, time for bed. You can do your nerd shit later.”
“Just one more chapter. It’s getting to the good part.”
“No pumpkin, you got school in the morning.”
“I know but just one more chapter and I promise, I’ll go to bed.”
“Now Alyssa. Don’t make me be a hard ass like your dad.”
“But Daddy B., please? Pretty please?”
“Pumpkin, I can’t let you do that. It’s getting late plus if I let you then I gotta hear it from your dad. He annoys me enough. Just go to bed please?”
“Okay Daddy B. Goodnight.”
Parenting makes me tired so I headed to bed instead. They say being a parent is rewarding. How? Headaches and stress are rewards? Whoever said that must be smoking crack. I don’t find it rewarding at all. I don’t see why Diamond was 100 of these brats or why my asshole of a dad does either. They are both insane for wanting so many kids. I got 24 kids that I know about and one on the way, that’s enough. June’s baby is gonna be my last kid I swear. I gotta start pulling out in time. Before i got into bed, I had to call out for my favorite.
“Sassy! Here kitty, kitty! Daddy is going to bed so you need to come in here or I’m shutting the door.”
I never go to bed alone since I got my Sassy.