Brucey? What are you doing?
Checking to see if Godzilla really lives under my bed.
Does he really? Why yours?
Dad said he eats little Asian kids.
Hello Bruce-Lee. Want to play a game?
AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! Dad was right! Godzilla does live under my bed!!!
Brucey? Where you go? Is he there? Don’t leave me in here if Godzilla lives under the bed! He only eat Asian kids, right?!
I got some cake for my baby cake. Ready for bed? Greta is sick with old lady diseases
Daddy! We don’t eat cake before bed. Greta always read us a bedtime story before bed.
Really? Such a waste of good cake. Bruce-Lee? Want some cake? I always have cake before bed. It gives me sexy dreams.
No dad, we already brushed our teeth. Eating sugar before bed is bad. Read us a story. That’s what Greta does.
I tried to pick out a book to read to the brats. I never read to them cause that was Greta’s job. But she was sick and they wouldn’t go to sleep on their own. They denied my cake so I guess I will read to them. This whole father thing is hard. How does my dad do it? He’s crazy wanting to raise 100 on his own. My mom had 6 and barely raised us. We took care of ourselves, why can’t these brats do the same?
Daddy, the book is upside down!
Right. Once upon time in a far away land, there was a sexy king named Borage. King Borage was the sexiest of all kings of the land and all the ladies loved him.
Hey that’s your name! That king was named after you! Was there a princess too?
Yes. There was a very beautiful princess named Phoenix who stood by King Borage’s side. She was the most prettiest girl in the world and every hag envy her beauty.
What about dragons? Where there dragons in the land?
Of course there were dragons. There was a big fat nasty dragon named Lindy who tried to lock away the beautiful Princess Phoenix in a tower but sexy and brave King Borage slay the Lindy dragon with a salad. Fat dragons hates salads.
Did King Borage have a Queen?
King Borage had one Queen. She was a beautiful lady like Princess Phoenix. She looked a lot like her too. Her name was Queen Lois. She become more beautiful once King Borage slayed her kinky hair with a African Pride relaxer and a hot comb. Queen Lois was glorious.
What about a prince?
There was no Prince. King Borage was all Princess Phoenix needed in her life along with Queen Lois but she soon disappeared. Queen Lois promised she will be back for King Borage and Princess Phoenix and they will live happily ever after..
Baby cake drifted off to sleep while I was reading her.. I can’t read so I was telling her a story. Improv ya know!
Baby cake? Did you like my story?
Sweet dreams, Princess Phoenix.
Kid, go to bed. I read a bed time story.
You didn’t read. You told a silly story about yourself and PC. That story was more for her than me. Please read to me.
I can’t read kid. Now go to bed.
But dad.. I can’t sleep without hearing a story.
I’ll read you a page from the ladies man manual.
You said you can’t read.
I’ll tell you what I think it says.
Now a way the a lady’s heart is to buy her diamonds or find her G spot. But I’m not buying her diamonds. Going for the G spot.
What’s a G spot? How do you find her G spot?
A G spot is a very special spot on a lady that makes her shouts out your name repeatedly until she climaxes. Sometimes, she might make you a sandwich afterwards or stalk you. Or in Lindy and your mom’s case, move in and not leave. I’m looking to find the right lady’s G spot. I keep finding the wrong ones.
I can get a girl to like me if I find her G spot then? How do I find her spot?
Your dick. But you’re too young for that. But never buy a lady a diamond unless you plan on marring her. Don’t even do that.. She’ll just invite over another guy over just to raunchy sex with. My mom and aunt did.. all the time. Marriage is pointless. My dad never got married and he’s a pimp. He got all kinds of ladies he bangs daily. I’m doing the same.
Then how do I get a girl to like me?
You’re Asian, do their math homework. Dumb ladies love smart guys. They are the easiest to screw.
I hope the kid took my helpful advice. He was soon asleep. Now I can enjoy my cake.
Hey love! I’m so happy to be living here with you. We can live as a family and be together as last. Aren’t you happy?
Oh fuck.. I forgot you’re still here…
Can I eat my cake in peace without being bother by your hag face?
You’re so silly boo bear. I’m thinking of doing a wedding in Lucky Palms. Don’t you have family there? I want a big fancy wedding there. Or maybe we can go to Sunlit Tides or Monte Vista? What do you think?
Did you get smacked with the psycho stick? I will never marry you. What gave you that idea?
You said that you loved me after we made sweet, sweet love. Remember? I remember.
I was talking to the cake when I said that…
Baby cake has been asking about her mom and Greta gave me her address to where she was.
Dear Lois, I’m writing you cause our daughter has been asking about you. I hope you can come see her soon. She is as beautiful as you are. Well that’s what I can remember besides the wild hair that I hope you had tamed by now. The holidays are near and she would love to see you. I would like to see you too and get to know you at least. You would be so proud of our little girl. – Borage
It was the evil alien twins birthdays. Pedro was excited for this day. I was not.
I woke up the next day naked in bed with Pedro sleeping next to me without his pants!
Pedro? Wake up! Why am naked? Why are in my bed without pants?! Did you butt rape me again?
Pedro ignored me so I decided to check myself out naked. I look so good!
Pedro! Dude! Explain this! Wake up!
Good day Borage, well sleep?
Explain why you’re half naked in my bed and why I’m naked in bed. Did you butt rape me again??! I’m not birthing anymore evil alien babies!
I gave you fertility treatment.
But why? I didn’t ask for that!
But Bruce-Lee said you need help finding lady G spots. I give you fertility treatment. Will that help?
NO! That just gives me SUPER sperm!
Oh. Where I’m from, that helps with finding G spots.
That’s just great Pedro! But why are we both naked for a fertility treatment? Did you molest me again?!
No. I thought waking up naked together would be funny. I did have to slip the fertility pill in your anus.
I’m gonna have a word with that brat!
Maybe you should put clothes on?
Thanks a lot you brat! You made Pedro give me a fertility treatment. That gave me super sperm! I don’t wanna make any more you little mistakes!
Pedro said he was gonna help you with finding the G spot. Why are you naked?
I don’t need help finding the G spot! I can find the G spot! You misheard me! You fucked shit up for me!
I’m sorry dad… I didn’t know. So the special pill won’t give you super powers in finding G spots then? Can you now put some clothes on?
Yeah I got super powers in making babies! I guess I’ll put some clothes on. The last thing I need is Chris Hansen showing up.
Who is Chris Hansen?
Hello there, have seat.
While crazy Lindy stayed in bed sick, Greta attended to Liam.2 while I worked at the club.
HEY! Keep your gross hands off my son! I can care for my kids for myself! I don’t need your help in raising my kids! I don’t want a nasty witch teaching my kids anything! You hear old bat!
Excuse me? I was just doing my job! I was hired to care for all of Borage’s children. You’re sick dear. You should be in bed resting. I can look after the twins while you get better.
I don’t care! I don’t want you around MY kids! I am still their mother and I don’t want your help! I don’t care rather I’m sick or not! Don’t touch my kids you disgusting old geezer! I want to show my lover that I am a great mother to his kids!
What a bitch.. Turn her into toad, Ms. Greta.
Watch your language Bora Bora but I feel you idea is a good idea. A toad it is.
You can’t seriously turn me into a toad? Your dumb spells don’t even work. You couldn’t turn me into a pickle. You’re a joke!
You’re wrong, dear. I will turn you into toad. My pickle spell may didn’t work but another spell was placed instead!
What?! Did you put a spell that makes Borage not love me? Please tell me? I don’t wanna be a toad! My kids will fear me! Borage will hate me!
You will learn not the mess with the Great Greta! Queen Witch of the west!
Oh my gosh! Greta no! Turn me! I’m ugly!
I have some odd kids that like to play outside at night. Luna just watches and doesn’t speak English. I swear she’s plotting evil. I don’t trust her.
Borage? Remember me? I’ve been looking for you.
I remember you. The purple tree house lady. Looking for more of this?
Possibly.. I’ve wanting to talk to you since I’ve found out but I didn’t know how to tell you. I remember you saying how your wife died and all. I’m pregnant and it’s yours.
I’ve been thinking about you a lot… But I know I can’t raise this baby alone. I hope this isn’t too sudden. I hope you’re ready to move forwarded in life. Maybe we can raise our baby together as a family. I would like to start a relationship with you.. That’s if you want to..
Shit… I forgot about that lie I told you…
I was never married… My kids all have different moms.. I’m not ready for a relationship but we can still have some adult fun in my bedroom. I heard pregnant women still like to get freaky.
I can tell the nanny to send the kids to bed and we can do the nasty like we did months ago. My face still gets cold at night and would love if you warm my face up by sitting on it. I wanna taste you.
You lied to me about having a dead wife? Ugh! You’re a asshole! I was ready to give up my life to be with you cause I felt sorry for you. You said your kids need a mommy and they already have a living mom? Well living MOMS? You are a douche bag!
I guess that’s a no on the sex then?
Get out of my face! I never want to see you again!
Hey kid… Go get your dad.. My water just broke!
Why are you so purple?
Are you alien like my sister Luna and I?
Please kids! Get your dad! I’m having his baby right now!
We know nothing ’bout birthing no babies!
Where’s your crown? Are you crowning? I need google!
Why is everyone freaking out? Are they having a dance party? I wanna dance too. HEY! Can I join the dance party too?!
Where the hell is Borage?!
Who’s gonna be a little ladies man? You are!
I wonder if the purple lady left yet. I wished we could was banged once more.
3 months later Alayna returns with baby boy named Mordecai. She handed him over to Pedro saying she couldn’t care for him due to her job. She would be traveling to China and France a lot.
Mordecai grew up to look like my dad.
With the holidays soon coming, I had a portrait of kids taken for my parents.
Dear Mom & Dad, These are your 7 grandkids. Bruce-Lee, Phoenix-Champange, Bora Bora, Luna-Skye, Liam.2, Lilah and Mordecai. I’m inviting you both to come meet them for the holidays. They are excited to meet you both. I swear the green alien kid is evil! Be careful with that one! – Borage